I am typing this as I wait in the arrival lounge at Dubai airport to pick up my son Aman, who is flying back home today.

I was driving here to pick him up and had just climbed on to a small two- lane bridge, when I suddenly looked into the rear view mirror to see another car coming in too fast behind me, too close for comfort. He was tailgating me, flashing headlights, wanting me move out of his way.

Before you even assume anything, you have to know that, I definitely am not a slow driver. Watching my enthusiasm behind the wheel, my brother used to always say that, he would sign me up for one of those wilderness-driving adventures. 🙂

Anyway, back to being tailgated today. I could feel the immediate panic or urgency to do something, either step on it, to change lanes. I couldn’t change my lane immediately as there was a lot of movement over there. Eventually, I did! And it was a huge relief to not have him behind me.

As he zoomed past me on my left, I noticed he did the same to three other cars, almost demanding them to step aside. I could see each of those cars swiftly shift into the other lane, as though they were all making way for royalty to pass.

This got me wondering about certain behaviours we encounter and our reaction vs response to them. I was curious as to why the other drivers and to some extent I, was inheriting and feeling responsible for his sense of urgency? It felt like we were all in some sense or the yielding to the aggressiveness of another. It sure was not a comfortable response; it was more out of panic or urgency. We were reacting to his attitude as opposed to responding to the situation.

Why does aggressiveness and dominant behaviour invite submissiveness? Or vice versa too.

The louder a loud person gets, the quieter a quiet one does too, a demanding person gets his/her need get met more often. An aggressive person doesn’t experience much opposition, the more aggressive he becomes; the quieter people get around him/her.

On the outside it might look like a great balance. But if you look closely, you will notice the gross imbalance.

Those of us who yield to such behaviour could observe ourselves to see why we do what we do. Is it from a place of peace within our selves? Are we doing it to avoid conflict or more aggression? If so we need to understand that we are only enabling others to be more of that with us. We need to educate people on how to treat us, how to respect us, instead of being a victim, else there will come at time when the balance will suddenly tip. The oppressed will become the oppressor and ending up doing onto others the very thing they don’t like being done onto them.

Those of us who have the tendency to be aggressive and loud need to know that even though we get our way, we tend to lose people in the process. People around us get quiet and comply, not because they agree with us, only because they are too tired to fight. And my deep sense is the that’s the very last thing we are looking to do.

So, this was the gift I received today from that driver.

Over the last four weeks, I’ve had a lot of deep conversations with women from different walks of life, homemakers, entrepreneurs, doctors, artists, consultants, and daily wage workers etc.; some friends, some family and some random women, who shared stories of the hardest challenges they were currently facing and also about some of our cultural belief systems and it’s impact on their lives.

I have weaved all of that into one story, a conversation a between a woman, Maya and her mother. Maya is in her late 30’s and is mother of 15 year-old twins, a boy and a girl.

 Mom: Maya, what’s really bothering you?

 Maya: I am not happy Ma. It feels like something is missing in my life.

 Mom: What do you mean, is everything okay at home? Is it your health?

 Maya: No, besides my occasional headaches, my health is just fine Ma.

 Mom: Then what’s the problem?

 Maya: I am not happy in my marriage anymore.

 Mom: I don’t understand Maya, What aren’t you happy about? He has a well paying job, you have your own house, the children go to a good school, and he let’s you work, among all the other luxuries you have in life.

 Maya: Yes, I agree, all that’s true. But I still feel a void. It seems like I am leading a mechanical life. I also have this nagging thought that it’s not fair! I feel like I don’t have a voice, and that I am doing more than my share of work.

 Mom: What do you mean?

 Maya: He and I both work, we leave home around the same time; get back home around the same time. Yet, before I leave, I have to make sure breakfast and lunch are packed for each of us including the children, and once we are back home in the evening, my day is not over still. I have to supervise over the dinner even though its being cooked by maid, spend some checking the children’s school work, and make sure clothes are sorted for the next day. All the while, he’d be relaxing on the couch, watching TV, or gone to the gym.

 Mom: What exactly do you want from him, Maya? He is a man! Do you really expect him to help you cook, wash the dishes or help with the kid’s schoolwork? Are you out of your mind?

 Maya: I don’t understand Ma, aren’t we both equals? We are working the same hours. Why do we have separate standards for men and women?

 I am actually willing to put up with most of that but, what bothers me the most is that, I don’t feel we have a connection anymore. We have become strangers living under the same roof. When he has time off from work, he is either sleeping or glued to the sports channel until late into the night, or stuck on his mobile messaging or out with friends. When I bring up my need for connection, intimacy and conversation, he feels that I am asking for too much. That’s not a priority for him.

 I feel we are growing distant. The only conversations we have are around the children, errands that need to be run for the home and kids, about our parents, or his work. I don’t see the space to have a conversation about each other, our day, let alone spends some quality time together. Apart from that, he complains that I am not interested in sex anymore. How does he expect me to be, when all of this is falling apart?

 

Mom: The whole thing about connection, love and conversation, I think you are watching too many movies. He is doing the best he can. He supports the family financially. He comes back home to you every night. The fact that he takes care of the family is proof enough that loves you. As for conversations and intimacy, men are not like that. Men aren’t emotional like women.

The problem with you women these days is that, since you are more educated now, and have started taking up jobs, you have too much exposure to the outside world, and have begun to expect more from life. You aren’t satisfied with what you already have.

This is one of the reasons that girls are urged to marry young, because it’s earlier to mould and shape their ideas and attitudes before they are exposed to the world, else, they become rigid, self centered and unwilling to make compromises in their relationships. They can always explore and do more after they marry.

Life is not the way you fantasise it to be, dear. Remember you are a woman. It’s your duty to take care of the family. Consider yourself lucky to be where you are. A lot of women, some of your own friends face worse problems.

 

Maya: Ma, this is really frustrating! I don’t get this. Why is it a privilege when man let’s his wife or daughter work or doesn’t physically abuse her? Aren’t these her birthright as an individual?

 It’s sad Ma, I hear you are saying that I should consider myself lucky that I wasn’t married in my teens or that I don’t have to live with my in-laws or that I have an education and am allowed to pursue my career, all of which should be a given.

 Am I also not earning and contributing? And even when I wasn’t working for a couple of years, I was still at home, working. I was taking care of the home and the children. Who says managing the house is not a good enough job. You should know that it’s as good as taking up a job.

 Moreover, the more I do, it’s assumed that I have the capacity to do more or that it has been tagged as my role in the family. I don’t like that I am taken for granted.

 

Mom: You weren’t or still aren’t doing anything that’s so special, Maya! You are doing what you are supposed to do. Your duty as a woman is to do that. No matter how successful you are in your career it doesn’t mean anything if it’s at the cost of your family. You don’t seem be grateful for what you have.

 

 Maya: You know Ma; I am tired of this role! This makes me wish I wasn’t born as a girl. If nothing changes, I fear for the plight of my daughter and also my son. Is this is part of our culture that they will inherit from me? This is not what I want for them.

 I am grateful for what I have. But, do you really think that it’s enough? It certainly isn’t enough for me.I yearn for more. I want to feel loved; I want to feel cared for. I want to have quality time with him. I want us to have conversations. I want to feel like I am important and I matter. I want to feel valued. Not just as a wife but as an individual. Do you know what it feels like to not be consulted with on crucial matters with regard to the family or finances? I feel like I don’t have a voice anymore, and that my opinion doesn’t matter.

 I need more but I am given the impression that I don’t deserve to ask for more since everything I already have seems like a privilege.

 We’ve been married 15 years now. Soon the children will leave home. I wonder what will be left of this relationship after that because the children won’t be around to distract us anymore.

And the conversation continues between them………

 

This definitely is NOT a portrait of all men and all women, yet we have all experienced some shades of this, in some form or the other in our lives. On a global level, women from different cultures and races have similar experiences similar too.

 

But this definitely raises many questions …

 

Why have men defined their identity primarily from being the providers and protectors for the family? What parts of them get shut off in the process?

 

Why have most women defined and derived their self-worth from the measure of how well they can nurture, how good a wife and/ or mother they are?

 

Why is the need for intimacy least important in a relationship, when that’s most required to nurture and sustain the relationship?

 

Have you ever wondered why people have relationships outside the marriage? Why marriages fall apart? What need are not met in the relationship that causes that?

 

What makes individuals / couples not work of on their relationship even though they are unhappy and can complain about it for years? Why do they resign to it, as though nothing can be done about it?

 

What happens when one person in the relationship feels unsatisfied and it doesn’t seem important enough to be addressed by the other?

 

What is the stigma that most families have towards getting help in working on their relationships? What are the fears it brings?

 

What are the norms that we have been following with regard to culture and relationships, that aren’t working any more? What shift needs to happen?

 

There is no one-stop solution to these challenges. Our cultural beliefs are deeply ingrained is us. Even though some parts of it don’t work for us, it is also what make us and defines us. So in trying to find a solution we most often adopt a modern views or approaches, radically different from our own, which might or might not serve our needs.

 

There are many ways approach this, but from an individual perspective, one best place to begin is with “OURSELVES”. Take a good look at our lives. What do we want from lives? What are the challenges we are facing in our lives where we see ourselves as victims? How are we contributing to that? What are we allowing into our lives, which not serving us? How can we take responsibility for what we have created in our lives rather than blame everything and everyone outside ourselves? What can we say NO to? What is the kind of relationship we want in our lives and what are we willing to do in order to create that? How passionate and proactive are we about living and creating our best lives? What is the story we want to write about the rest of our lives?

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This post is going to reveal some of my house keeping habits, but what the heck 🙂

When I get really lazy, my laundry piles up to the point that there are no more clothes to wear 🙂 . Eventually, I have no choice than to get to it. I then have to do two rounds of washing for 3-4 days to empty out my laundry hamper. After which, I get to the folding, which is one of my least favourite jobs. The only way I can motivate myself to do it is by distracting myself with a movie.This time, my folding pile was so huge that I had to watch two movies back to back to get the job done.

The two movies I chose to watch today were QUEEN & HIGHWAY (FYI – both are Indian movies, Hindi).

On the surface, there was something quite sweet and entertaining about these movies. I also enjoyed the subtle romance, but on a deeper level something about the storyline that not only had me
reflect more, but also inspire me write something about it.

Both movies are about, unexpected events that take place in the lives of the protagonists, both young women, coincidentally, two days before their wedding. These young women are literally thrown into unforeseen circumstances that eventually create a huge shift in their thinking and outlook towards each of their lives.

QUEEN is the is about a naive middle class girl in Delhi, (India) who decides to go on her honeymoon to Paris and Amsterdam alone, after her fiancé walks out of the marriage two days before wedding.

This journey introduces her to many “first time” experiences in her life, which pushes her completely out of her comfort zone, like travelling on her own, exploring a new country by herself, new language, noes culture, trying alcohol for the first time, close encounters and deep friendships with women from all different walks of life, an unwed mother, a pole dancer ; sharing a room or a few days with three strangers, all men and how she slowly finds her own identity amidst all of this.

All of these experiences lead her to reflect her life of the past, about her life up until then, how her life had revolved around being the “good girl”, an ace student, always doing the right thing, wearing the right clothes, striving to please everyone in her life, her teacher, parents, family & fiancé. And how she had been willing to sacrifice many dreams for sake of the relationship including taking up a job. She also explored the cultural norm of how certain things were considered “unwomanly” to do. She realised how she had created her identity out of all that past conditioning.

Now, on to the second movie..

The film HIGHWAY outlines the story of a young woman who is kidnapped before her wedding and held for ransom wherein she develops Stockholm towards her kidnapper. She falls in love with her kidnapper.

The few weeks that she spends travelling with her kidnapper, leaves her feeling shocked about her own reactions to the situation, about how she wasn’t ready go back home and her old life. Unexpectedly, she lives her dream life, wanting to live a life of spontaneity, adventure, freedom & living the wilderness.

At one point during this journey, she recalls her experience of being sexually abused as 9 year old, by a very close family member, of how she felt betrayed by her own family, by her mother, who not only failed to protect her, but enabled the situation by hushing up the whole thing. She recalled how she had felt unsafe in her own home, among her own people, how she had to put up pretences of being cordial and friendly with her abuser, because it was all supposed to be okay on the outside.

She saw the prison her life had been and was yearning to break out of it.

Back to my reason for this reflection…

Both of these young women eventually came back home, at the end of the movie, but they din’t really come back the same. They experienced deep transformation, and a huge inner shift during their time away. They had their identity on this journey they had taken, and were not ready to go back to their old lives. They weren’t their old selves anymore. They just couldn’t settle for less. They wanted more out of their lives, MORE LIFE in their lives !

The unexpected adventure, became a teacher, opening their eyes to a life they had previously been unaware of. They probably had been
longing for it on a subconscious level, and the universe just brought it to them in a package they dint recognise initially.

This “call to adventure” as Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist calls it, can come in many forms. This is just the beginning of the “Hero’s Journey”.

I’m sure we face similar experiences in our lives, though not as dramatic as in the movie. We face different challenges, illnesses, difficult relationships, financial crisis, divorce, death of someone really close and other unexpected situations which are really adventures and also our teachers.

Whether we like it or not it is going to be one heck of a wave. It is going to be hard, scary, like stepping into the unknown and exploring radically different perspectives -but eventually coming home to ourselves. With the knowing of course that, there are many more of such journeys to go on, in the future.

Its ultimately up to us, to choose to RIDE THE WAVE ! for when we do, we are taking the HERO’S JOURNEY

When we were little kids, and he would be eying the one toy that I was playing with, he had the knack of bribing me. This is how the conversation would go between us.

He: If you let me play with your toy, I will give you anything you ask for.

I: Anything ?

He: Anything !

I (once again) : just about anything ?

He ( confidently) : Yes ! anything you want !

I: What I want is a GOLDEN PALACE

He: Of course, You can have one ! I am going to get you one!

I: Are you sure ?

He: Absolutely !!!!

That is the point, where I would choose to give my toy to him because I just trusted that the Golden palace would be mine soon.

This happened many many times over the years. Every single time I would fall for it.

As we grew up, every now and then I would remind him of my Golden Palace, and he would keep reassuring me that it would be coming soon !

4 years ago he came to me one day, I remember that it was a few days after my birthday.

He said, “I’ve been thinking about it, it’s going to be a long time before I can afford to buy you a golden palace. So, for now, let me give you something I can afford”

And then, he placed my very first iPad in my hands, one of the hundreds of gifts that I received from him.

He was a king at giving gifts, not only did he know what someone would love and want at that point,’there was also drama , suspense, surprise and style in the way he gifted.

That’s Lasheen for you !

This post was inspired by a word/phrase my sister Shameem, used describe me, when she recently tagged me in a photograph on Facebook, and my recent conversations with her. Its a malayalam word. (Language spoken in Kerala, India). She described me as “NOT a SAL SWABHAVI”. This word brought back a lot of memories and also a belief system that I have been to working towards undoing.

“Sal Swabhavi” means “good behaved person”

I notice that, more often than not, someone who is calm, quiet, non dramatic, with no outward expression of negative (seemingly) emotions, no outbursts, hugely accommodating, who gives a lot and doesn’t ask for anything in return, who is be constantly relied on and/or who is seen pleasant most of the time is often labelled as being “NICE” or a “SAL SWABHAVI”

Being Nice seems like an “acceptable norm”

I was one of them for a significant part of my life. I probably am so even now, but the difference is that I am more aware and observant of it. I remember how much I loved being seen as “NICE” that I would do anything for anyone, so that I could continue to carry that badge, I gave me a sense of identity, I fit in, I was one of the “good” ones. It continued to be reinforced by the acknowledgements I received while growing up. Slowly that became huge part my identity.

These are identities we create for ourselves and are given to us, as we go through our childhood. Girls have separate identities than boys. Girls were supposed to be nice, and boys had to be strong and macho.

There is nothing wrong as such “being NICE”. If you own a box called “being nice”, it now important to take a look inside it now. What have you put into the box, what have others put into it, without your knowledge and you still carry them as your own stuff.

Some stuff that are familiar to me especially as a girl are :-

Meeting everyone’s needs, making them more important than ours.

Being overly responsible – taking responsibility for others needs, even feelings.

Sacrificing our own needs for the sake of others’.

Being over accommodating.

No outward expression or outbursts of displeasure, anger or pain.

Making sure that the people in your life are happy, even if its at the cost of your own.

Being indispensable.

Being the more understanding one. Finding excuses for others’ mistakes.

Not wanting much, not asking for what you need because it might come across as being demanding.

Most of these qualities are great on its own, as long as they are not simultaneously self depriving, and are not driven by the need to be accepted, loved, or wanted by others.

Sometimes, we might not even recognise us doing so, because we have been wearing the “being nice” mask for so long that it feels like a part of our face. We become used to it, until we begin to sense something doesn’t fit in ; when we start feeling claustrophobic with this identity, when we find ourselves needy & resentful towards others because they don’t meet our needs. Suddenly we notice that the “BEING NICE” doesn’t actually “FEEL NICE”

Somewhere along the line our true self gets masked by this mask, and we don’t even recognise ourselves anymore. The sense of Self and self worth gets foggy.

When we try to reclaim ourselves back, because we have gone in so deep, it might even look and feel SELFISH. In fact we might still be inwardly rebelling the being nice and doing things our way, but at the same time carrying a lot of guilt as though we are taking something we don’t deserve. That is a yet another muscle to slowly build, practise being a little selfish, for when we take care of ourselves, we can take care of others even better from a grounded place. Practice being “SOUL”FISH ! 🙂

Moreover when we treat ourselves with dignity and respect, we are also educating the people around us do the same.

BEING NICE has to FEEL GREAT too. When we take care of the ME, we can take care of the WE. When we feed and nourish our souls we know how to serve others better.

My mother used to say this time me all the time while growing up, and still does at times, “Don’t do anything, or be in a way that feels fake, and you can’t be consistent with, don’t feel good about, because people around you will get used you being that, while you will get increasingly miserable not being YOU”

I can look back into my past and childhood and recall where I picked up all these labels that I am now trying to undo, what was told to me, and how I got sucked into holding on to that identity. An important thing to note is that where we are right now, will soon be “the past” for our children as they grow into adults. Let’s be responsible about the past that we create for them now. Let’s not contribute to creating their masks.

So “Be nice” if you must but ask you to be conscious of what you add to that box. In fact on my box, I will write this in bold as an affirmation – I AM IMPORTANT, I MATTER and I DESERVE IT. I will include in my box, Compassion, Kindness, Care, Love, Time, Space, Understanding, Forgiveness – for myself and others. I would also throw in Assertiveness and My voice. I will also throw in all my expressions of emotions. 🙂 I will learn to ask for what I need, rather than wait for it to be given. Also keep learning say no with out guilt

I KNOW I AM PERFECT WHEN I AM ALL OF MYSELF, JUST THE WAY I AM !</

How many times have we felt the urge to do or say something in a particular situation, have felt so compelled towards it, like it was on the verge of jumping out of us, yet we held back and not acted on it. Of course later regretted it.

I’m sure each of us have done it hundreds of times, if not more. The right way of doing something, the fear of creating a mess or not knowing know to clean up a mess once we created it, has
caused us to live a toned down version of our lives, like a badly photocopied version of ourselves. We don’t our get skin in the game enough. We just stand on the sidelines and let life happen to us.We go about our life and activities at half capacity or less.

The fear of creating a mess and the “what ifs” holds us back so much that we haven’t experienced ourselves fully yet, we don’t know what we are capable of, We aren’t even aware of the power within us.

What we then end up doing, is acting out our lives from within the invisible boundaries or limits that we have created for ourselves. Also based fears on preconceived imaginary fears.

We fear the parts of us that we aren’t in touch with. We then end up creating our lives and relationships that are half baked. It like a feeling of knowing there is no much more within us, but not being able to tap into it.

I have a invitation for each of us including myself !

I invite you to create a mess, to push your boundaries to the point that it feels like you have crossed it and have done the things you wouldn’t do or haven’t done until then. I invite you to make some mistakes, act on some of those urges that come to you !

This was a new phrase that I learnt at my leadership program – “In order to calibrate you have to exaggerate”. Fear not, for we are only exaggerating the limited version of ourselves.

So let’s go ahead, build that muscle, keep pushing our limits and keep exaggerating

For the sake what you might ask ?

For the sake of living life fully, to it’s full potential and capacity, to feel fully alive, and be able to create more in our worlds. To live a limitless life !!!

The “purpose”, the “driving force” and the “compelling calling” behind our acting on an urge is really important because that’s what we will be drawing strength from, when things get messy, that is what will help us stay, recover & help us clean up the mess.

This is not to say that we just get out there and act on all of those urges.

There is a great line that I heard in one of the Spider-man movies – “With Great power comes Great Responsibility”

For now, let’s get in touch with our power, let’s feel power within ourselves, for when we do, we have have not other choice than to take responsibility for our actions, and cleaning up our messes.

Let’s create some messes for the sake of cleaning up bigger messes

One interesting metaphor to explain this is – if we want to your clean up and reorganize our book shelf, hard or impossible to do it pulling them apart, taking them out and starting again, checking out what fits, what doesn’t, what we want to throw away, what we wanna donate, what we want to keep and how we want it to look.

Read these instructions before you try them at home 🙂

If you have not been on a journey of self transformation & exploration before, do know that is not easy to do it by yourself. What if you are in that place to act on all your urges? And you end up biting off more than you can chew? It can be a hard, lonely, unfamiliar and scary road to explore this path by yourself unless you have some sort of support system of a Life coach, counsellor or others who are on a similar journey.

As I write this, I know I have friends and family who have been on a similar journey and I am also doing a year long leadership program, so I have a huge support system to hold me while I walk through this process.

Cleaning up Messes

So you are at the breakfast table with a group of friends & family, your hand accidentally hits the pot of tea and it spills over the table, or you were fighting to do the news paper crossword puzzle with your friend, or just maybe you were trying to manage a tantrum thrown by your son, and suddenly the cup tips over.

There is tea all over the table and it probably finds its way over to your friend’s mobile phone. The crossword puzzle can now be forgotten because the paper is soaking sticky wet.

So this is the situation. People at the table don’t look too happy,
they now have to watch out for your mess spilling down the edges of the table to their clothes.

What do you notice ?

Knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or unconsciously a mess got created by you.

What would you do? Worst, you inwardly beat yourself up about it even before anyone would bring attention to it, Would you brush it off as something that just happened, and ask everyone to get down to cleaning up the mess? Get down to work and have the problem fixed? Would you not address it at all?

Or would you pause for a moment and look at all these people, and give a simple apology for the unintentional accident and tell them that you are sorry for the inconvenience caused. Or the interruption because of this. A lot of them might not even have noticed it.

That is called staying. “Staying” here means being present and staying present with what is created, with what you created. Staying means staying to hear people express their anger, shock, and not happy feeling about the sticky mess on their hands and clothes and an interruption to their dinner. Staying means to hear them, be able to have them feel heard, having to say your truth and honouring and respecting them. Staying to clean up and asking for help. Staying is also not beating yourself up and punishing yourself about it. Staying also means to not justify what happened and finding someone or something to blame for the little accident.

This is the hard part. To be able to stand and own your mess, and offer a way to clean up the mess and most importantly, asking for help. The reality is, messes are meant to be cleaned up, not ignored.

The seemingly easy part is to walk away and say: “Big deal! So some milk got spilled! What’s the big deal, it’s only tea”. Some of your clothes are wet and stained, the newspaper is soaked

What would you do?

Staying and cleaning up messes are just two of the many lessons I am learning right now. “Asking for help” and “Recovery” are other huge ones ones.

Asking for help is a Big one. Asking for help is knowing you can’t do it all and also you don’t have to, that you get stuck at times and its okay to put your arms out and ask for help. Asking for help is not about being perfect. Asking for help is about opening your heart , asking and receiving.

We have grown up believing that the only time we can ask for help is when we absolutely have reached the end of our ropes and when we fully exhausted our resources. Asking only makes us bigger and teaches people around us to be there for us.

Recovery is a another powerful one.
To recover is to reset. To recover is look back at what we did, and if we feel that we hadn’t taken responsibility, to go back and own it. To go back and say – “Oops ! I could have done better there. I am sorry.” Often we don’t do it because it makes us look small. I believe that it only makes us bigger and better when we recover. Its just as simple as that.

Lets get over ourselves !

Every now and then we get pulled in different directions. Life gets in the way, we get sucked into a downward spiral and soon we get stuck.

These are a few questions we can ask ourselves so that we can create from ourselves. Soon we will find our way back into love, into our strength and into ourselves.

If I were not afraid….
If I trusted myself completely….
If I played fully…….
If I was doing my best this moment …..
If I was in love with myself, all of myself…….
If I was trusted the process….
If I was filled with love for myself and you……
If I dint have anything stopping me …….
If I was sure of myself ………
If I believed it was okay to fail…..
If my heart was open…….
If I had the courage to step into the unknown…….
If I knew my worth……..
If I wasn’t worried about how I came across…..
If I was my biggest champion……
If I was on my team……
If I believed that the universe had my back…….
If I believed in magic…
If I trusted God was on my side ?

What would I do this moment? How would I be this moment ?

That’s the way to be and do THIS MOMEMT

I believe that we will never reach that stage of perfection of moving past all the “ifs” that I have mentioned here. I personally I am not working towards that myself. 

We are human, the doubts, fears and whatever else the ego brings will always creep up. The key is how to move ahead in spite of that, rather than waiting get rid of all of it. The key is the recover and keep recovering, when we fall, because WE WILL FALL, Its how well we do that dance before and after the fall that matters. And even to know that the fall is actually a part of that dance. 

These questions, I see them as beautiful perspectives that help up look beyond where we are, when we do get stuck. They help us see, imagine a different view beyond our stuckness. 

I am going to be afraid, Fear is my middle name . But, when I ask myself – what I would do, if I wasn’t afraid, and how would things look if I wasn’t afraid, I see a scene beyond my fear of the moment. Hence I can use that as a reference to choose different THIS MOMENT

Death has been such a humbling experience. My Brother Lasheen’s passing is showing me how simple life actually is or how it can be. 

One day he was here and then suddenly now he is gone. This is the first time I have lost some one who was such a huge and integral part of my day to day life.I am also noticing how fragile life is. 

I am thankful for my relationship with him, for all the time we had, the jokes and laughter, the playful silliness, the fights, the spiritual & intellectual discussions, and the heart to heart conversations we had, the love he unconditionally showered on me, and the pranks he played on me. 

And yet I long to have done a little more, said a little more, hugged more and laughed more, and cried a little more. I wish I had more time with him. I can think of a million instances where I could have been different or acted different.

Now that he is not here. I noticing all of us, the people who knew him express how we felt about him. I wonder what it would have been like for him to know all of this while he was alive. I am sure he knew, but not to this magnitude and extent. I am also glad that I had to opportunity to let him how much he meant to me.

I wonder why it takes someone to go away from our lives, for us to really see them with a fresh pair of eyes or so the beauty in them, to see the perfection in their imperfections. 

I want to be that to all the people in my life, I want them to know how I feel about them while they and I are alive. I am Borrowing Hakeem’s new motto -The Time is NOW ! 

Now is the time to BE. 

Now is the time to live life to the fullest, to express fully, to laugh without holding back, to show all the love we feel, to let people know now they matter to us. Now is the time to be spontaneous. Now is the time to make a difference. To live our purpose. Not later, Not tomorrow, not another day. Now is the time to Unleash.