Remembering my brother Lasheen

It’s your birthday

You would have been 51,

But you stay forever young at 44.

And I am finally older than you now

I happened to find a photograph of you yesterday.

Then another,

And another.

Soon I was looking at the video I had made of you.

The background music was the last one you had shared that day.

No fear of heights by Katie Melua

I had chronologically placed your photographs in the video.

Watching the images move to the music, right from the time you were born to..

Like watching you grow before my eyes.

Bringing back many memories of:-

You being my first playmate.

The games, we played.

The promises you made,

in exchange for my toys.

The golden palace, you had promised.

The mean bully, you were.

How much I hated you

and wished I was older.

How I learned to fight against you,

even if meant to bite & scratch.

How you knew just the words,

to get on my nerves.

How you used polish my shoes every morning,

The way you plaited my hair for me.

Being the inspiration for my first signature.

The most annoying morning mood you woke up with

that you never grew out of.

Introducing me to your world of

Music,

Books,

Poetry,

Writing,

Photography,

Cuisine,

Scents,

and much more,

that can never be expressed in words.

The gifts you gave,

the gift wrapping, surprise, the works!

The fallout we had

How we did not speak for more than a year,

How you graciously let go,

and we became closer than we ever.

How you opened your heart,

to show me your fears & flaws

The way you connected with anyone,

The Charmer that you were.

The way you loved,

That made anyone feel most special.

The caring and respectful son you were.

The fiercely protective brother you were.

The loyal & generous friend you were.

The flamboyant way you celebrated my birthdays.

The pride you held in being the only one,

who loved me the most.

Your endless jokes about being the better-looking sibling,

At every opportunity you got.

Your crazy sense of humour,

at your and everyone else’s expense.

The way you left so suddenly,

without a chance to say goodbye.

The promise you broke,

By leaving, before me,

before us.

What I miss most about you are your hugs. 

Those Hugs! Where every worry in my world suddenly vanished. 

The way I felt so safe.

 I could lean into you, and you would put your arms around me to hold me tight. 

I would melt into that hug, knowing you had my back. 

If anything, I find getting used to that missing from my life.

I wish I had collected more hugs from you when we had the time. 

I wish I had savoured them more. 

I wish I knew we had so little time.

I don’t think of you every day these days.

But you are in my heart.

And you will forever be.

I will always be grateful that you did walk this earth

And were born as my brother, 

leaving me with many beautiful memories.

Always your Sister

One thought on “Remembering my brother Lasheen

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