Controlling Emotions” is a strong word as far as I perceive it. Emotions
We as human beings are emotional beings. We feel fear, anger, sad, joy, disgust etc
We cannot change or control our emotions. We can learn how to be with emotions, learn be at peace with them, how to release and manage emotions, but we cannot control them.
Yet, we grow up with the notion that we are supposed to control and suppress our emotions. We are called too silly or too emotional if we show our emotions. Hence over times it has become second nature for us the control our emotions.
In fact if we learn to pay attention to them and notice our emotions, they will help us dig deeper and understand as to what beliefs of our past experiences are causing these emotions.
For example – when feel anger and let it take over us or act on it, we are bound to create damage. Some of us are so consumed by anger but we don’t express it.
But if we can be with our anger and notice it, we will see that we are probably feeling angry because of our inability to express our feelings. We feel vulnerable doing so, and are also afraid that it might not be received well, hence shut ourselves from doing deeper. We stay at the surface level of emotion.
We either act on the emotion or create damage on the outside or we suppress and control our emotions to the point that in the end we lose it or explode. Either way both have unfavorable consequences.
Being with the emotion or managing the emotions is merely about being present with our emotions. So its just the basic principle of being in the “NOW” – staying present and not letting our thoughts drift the emotions away
The key is to the notice how we are feeling and also using our body to do so and not our head. Our “Head” comes up with logics, reason, plans, strategies and solutions and distract us from what we are feeling.
Our head – take us to the past by analyzing or to the future by planning hat to do next.
So, if we are feeling an emotion, and we want to stop our head from going on a wild ride with it, we can keep bringing it back to our body.
We can ask our self– how do I know I am feeling this emotion ?(for example, anger) There is some sensation in the body and is giving us the message that feeling that emotion of anger, like feeling hot in the ears, or like a raging fire in the chest, or like a feeling like the chest is going to explode. Staying with this feeling and exploring this though our body will help us process the anger better.
Explore the feeling in your body, till we reach a point where we don’t feel that emotion anymore or till that body sensation feels different. And then unconsciously solutions and answers come to us.
This is not easy at first, and it helps to have a coach guide us though this in the beginning, because we naturally try to distract ourselves from uncomfortable feeling. But over time, it gets easier, and helps us to process our emotions easier.