As I lay awake in bed this morning, thinking about life, pausing in the present to notice where I am today, rewinding to the past few years, and then specifically this last year, impatiently wanting to fast forward to know what lies in the future, my mind and heart become flooded with memories of my brother, Lasheen.
Tomorrow, March 30, 2015, will be a year since he has left us.
A very long year
A year of tears
A year of sadness
A year of gratitude
A year of remembrance
A year of laughter
A year of immense growth
A year of huge transformation
A year of stepping into courage
A year of exploring the unknown
Most of all
A year of LOVE
Today I am remembering his HUGE capacity to LOVE and how he expressed it so beautifully.
I recall one special story quite vividly.
A few years ago, I had a conversation with him about his life and what he wanted more of, at that point in time. Actually, it was not a conversation. I had arm-twisted him into being my practice client when I was training to be a life coach. That conversation/coaching session ended with him expressing his dream of wanting to attend a writing workshop in Scotland. I can still remember his eyes light up as he spoke about it, and I could see his heart was longing for it. I challenged him to make that dream come true.
After he left, I had a conversation with my mom and brother about the possibility of gifting that to him. We all pitched in and that little dream of his came true.
Fast forward a few months, he went to Scotland for the workshop. He came to visit me a few days after his return, very eager show me a slideshow of the photographs he had taken. For those of you who don’t know it already, he was an amazing photographer and was also my guide and mentor when I stepped into the world of Photography.
It was a busy evening for me that day, and I kept stalling him. I even told him to leave the CD with me so that I could watch it later. He insisted on showing it to me in person.
So, after cribbing and complaining to him about my lack of time and his insensitivity towards it, I sat down in front of my laptop to watch this slideshow. I wanted to see it just to make him happy.
What I experienced that day was something completely different and unexpected.
The slideshow, accompanied with some beautiful background music, showed many of his photographs from this retreat, some beautiful winter pictures, and then some very beautiful moments captured with his team members.
Then it shifted to a video of a lady speaking a foreign language, talking to the camera. I barely caught the word Sheena in her speech, and then another person came on and spoke her words, and another one, and another, and many others after that.
What I heard brought tears to my eyes! Each of them was speaking to me, Sheena!. Thanking me for sending Lasheen to this workshop and how it was such a pleasure seeing and experiencing Lasheen.
I was in shock! He had actually made this for me! And this was his way of showing love and gratitude, his way of telling me how much I meant to him.
Now mind you, Lasheen had this special SUPER POWER. He could charm almost anyone and everyone in his life into believing that they were most special to him, because we all had such special and unique experiences with him that moved our hearts.
Such was his love!
I have had so many people write to me and tell me about what an amazing brother I had and how he was this perfect guy. A larger than life person! 🙂
Lasheen was far from perfect! He was famous for the foul mood and sulking face he woke up with every morning. If you crossed his path while he was in thatspace, you were doomed. He didn’t forgive easily. There was a time in our relationship where we didn’t talk to each other for months. He was very impatient if you weren’t up to speed with him. He hated sharing his food, his life revolved around his hundreds of friends. He wasn’t great at handling finances. Those are a few of his “flaws”.
So he was not perfect!
And who says one has to be perfect! We are not meant to be perfect. We are meant to LIVE, FALL and FAIL and begin that dance again. We are meant to LOVE!
The one big lesson I walk away with and will carry with me forever, from my experience of him, as his sister and even now after he is gone, is this – “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou.
With love, respect and in gratitude,
March 29, 2015